Out of Darkness with Rhonda Britten

In this Episode

• [02:07]Rhonda Britten recalls a traumatic event that started her journey of living fearlessly.
• [07:01]Rhonda shares how she turned her nightmare into a blessing. She also talks about her process of forgiveness.
• [14:12]Stephan and Rhonda discuss the concept of soul contracts.
• [23:38]Rhonda explains the difference between intellectually and viscerally knowing.
• [27:36]Rhonda emphasizes the truth about forgiveness, innocence, and awareness of human reality.
• [32:07]Rhonda talks about honing her purpose.
• [38:00]Stephan discusses a message he received from seeing a Blue Jay, prompting Rhonda to share her vision quest.
• [48:33]Rhonda explains the common hurdle she encounters with her clients.
• [53:55]Rhonda emphasizes seeing fear through a different lens so we can change and heal our past.

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Rhonda, it’s so great to have you on the show.

Thank you, Stephan. I’m just so excited to be here. I love nothing more than supporting people and changing lives.

I love revealing light in the world and making a difference for people. I would love to start with your origin story. How did you become such an amazing superhero? 

Every superhero has its kryptonite and goes through hell and back, and I am no different. Thank you for even thinking I’m a superhero. 

I know I could not be who I am until I owned my story. That’s important because I couldn’t own my story for decades. I wanted to push it away and pretend it didn’t happen. I didn’t want anybody to know my story.

I could not be who I am until I owned my story.

I’ll tell you about the worst day of my life. When I was 14 years old, my father and mother were getting divorced. My father came over for Father’s Day. We live in a tiny town in Upper Michigan. 

My mom and I were getting ready. My two sisters are in the bathroom. My mom’s putting on her eyeshadow and her rose-colored lipstick. My dad walks in and goes, “Come on,” because that’s what dads do.

As me, my mother and father start walking out the door, it starts sprinkling, and my father says, “Oh, I got to get my coat from the car.” This coat was a tan Naugahyde leisure suit coat. My mother was putting on her fake leather plethora raincoat with her beehive hairdo. 

As me and my mom are walking out, my dad is opening his trunk. I noticed he was not grabbing his coat. Instead, he is grabbing a gun. He screams at my mother, “You made me do this,” and he fires. I start screaming, “Stop, Dad, what are you doing?” He cocks the gun, he looks at me, and I believe I’m next. I feel like we’re there for three hours, but we’re probably there for thirty seconds or a minute. 

My mother looks up and, with her last word, says, “No, don’t.” With that loaded gun, my father turns towards my mother and shoots her a second time. That second bullet lands in her abdomen, goes out her back, and lands in the car horn. Then, my father cocks the gun again, gets to his knees, puts the gun to his head, and fires. 

I’m the sole witness to my father murdering my mother and committing suicide. I don’t know how anybody else would respond, but I responded by believing it was my fault because I was the only one physically there. I did nothing heroic like a superhero would. I didn’t grab the gun, kick his shins, or jump in front of my mother.

I ran into my mother’s room. I remember kneeling and praying because I had just committed to God to be a minister. I said, “God, if you keep my mother alive, I’ll be a minister, but if she dies, all bets are off.” Sadly and horrifically, my mother and father died.

I fought my demons, guilt, and shame for twenty years. I became an alcoholic, got three DUIs, and tried to kill myself three times. It was during my third suicide attempt that I realized I was not dying. I don’t know how to kill myself. I got to figure out another way.

During those twenty years, I was reading self-help books. I went to therapy, doing inner child work, rebirthing, and workshops. It was difficult because I was doing so much work, but my fear was getting beyond my shame, guilt, and life story.

What did you do to turn this nightmare into a blessing?

They put me in a psychiatric ward for my third suicide attempt because that’s what they do when you try to kill yourself three times. I got evaluated and stuck in a little lockdown cell. I think I was there for three or four days, and they deemed me not crazy, so they let me go.

I went home to my little studio apartment where I lived alone, thinking, “There must be another way. I have to start over.”

I asked myself, “What do kindergarteners do?” I said, “Well, they get a calendar and gold stars.” I started keeping track of any good things I did for thirty days. I’m talking about getting angry but didn’t break anything. That’s the level that I’m talking about. I showed up on time and did just basic things that were difficult or revolutionary for me. I did it for thirty days. I kept track of anything good. That calendar was still filled with stars, and I thought, “Okay, I’m worth saving.” 

Every emotion has a job; fear's job is to protect you from harm. Click To Tweet

That brought me to another level of willingness to heal. With that setup over the next few years, I quit drinking, forgave my father, who was the easiest to forgive, and then forgave my mother, which was harder to forgive once I took her off the pedestal because I think that’s what happens. Most of us get stuck because we have someone who died on a pedestal. I had to take my mother off the pedestal. 

Lastly, I forgave myself for not being the superhero and not being the person who stepped in front of my mother or was able to save my mother. The forgiveness process, forgiving my father—a miraculous experience—and quitting drinking was key for me to become who I am today. I started my journey believing that my life was possible and I had a chance.

My coaching origin story is a little bit down the road, but that gave me hope to get past being an orphan, abandoned, rejected, and ostracized.

You called it a miracle that you forgave your father. I want to give you a definition of a miracle from Kabbalah and then have you elaborate on this. A miracle isn’t defined as when the impossible becomes possible. In Kabbalah, a miracle is defined as removing the illusionary veils that don’t allow us to see the light in every experience and moment.

I agree. In some places, there’s no such thing as miracles because life is a miracle itself. You’re lifting the veil. It was my willingness to be wrong about everything, see it fresh and new, and see my father’s innocence when there was so much evidence against it. 

I believe in innocence—seeing our and others’ innocence. It doesn’t mean we don’t see what they’re doing that’s “defensive,” but to see their innocence really that we’re all innocent at the core. 

As I say, because my work is fearless living, we’re all just afraid. That fear just mutates. My father killed my mother because he was afraid. My mother died because she was afraid. I almost died out of three suicide attempts because I was afraid. 

It’s lifting the illusion, touching the hem of the garment, and seeing a new world. It’s like seeing through a new lens, as I call it. We see through a new filter. We see everything differently. It’s a different color. Everything changes in an instant.

Yeah. A children’s book I love, and your story inspires me to share, is The Little Soul and the Sun by Neale Donald Walsch, who wrote Conversations with God.

It’s one of my favorite books.

This children’s book has been powerful. I’ve read it not just to my 3-year-old but to my 31-year-old daughter. I’ve read it to friends and family who are older than me.

It changes how you look at everything to know that we’re all beings of light and that somebody had to be willing to lower their vibration so much that they could play the villain in your movie. That allows you to be not just the forgiving one but to embody forgiveness and experience that part of the light because before this, we were all just little candles in the sun, and we didn’t understand the full glory of who we are.

I always imagined me, my mom and dad were up in a cloud. We’re all talking. We’re just three souls hanging out. 

We’re talking about what you want to do in your next lifetime. My dad goes, “Oh, let’s do something amazing,” and I go, “Oh, yeah, let’s do it.” He was like, “Wait a minute. Why don’t you help people master fear because it’s fear of love, fear of God, and fear of forgiveness? That would be awesome.” 

Then, he goes, “But something terrible will happen to you. You’d be the mom, and I’ll be the terrible one. I’ll lower my vibration in this lifetime. I know what we’ll do. I’ll kill your mother. You will go through 20 years of hell, and then you will realize.” And we’re all like, “We’re all in it. This is going to be so great.”

Then, we came down to earth and forgot everything, but I believe this didn’t happen to me. I know it is fodder for my journey and the inspiration for my passion and purpose. I know it is the conduit through which I truly became myself.

When you were up in the clouds talking to your father and mother’s souls deciding how this play or movie will go and what lessons, challenges, opportunities, and so forth, that sounds like soul contracts. Are you familiar with that concept?

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Absolutely. I have a soul contract with my father and my mother. I just had an energy healing recently, and we were working through some things, entities, or energies that were still hanging out with me. She said, “Okay, we have a soul contract with this person.”

My uncle recently died—my dad’s older brother—and I felt compelled. I don’t live near him. I’m very close to and love him, but he lives in a completely different state a thousand miles away. The minute he was sick, and I got a call that he might be dying, I was on a plane in three hours because I knew we had a soul contract and had to finish part of his business. 

Yes, I completely believe in soul contracts. Can we become who we are meant to be to fulfill that contract? Some get that nudge, push, little hello, or little knock on the door, but we’re so on this earth, and we’re so laden down—of course, I focus on fear—that they’re unable to see their way out or not that they’re unwilling on a soul level but unwilling because it is so frightening. 

“Who will I be if I forgive my father? Who will I be if I forgive my mother? Who will I be if I say my mom was part of the problem?” I don’t mean that she in any way was at fault for her death, but she contributed to the chaos in the family. Again, I’m not saying she caused the chaos. 

Looking at things with clear eyes takes courage.

Just looking at things with clear eyes takes courage. What I said earlier about innocence is the willingness to practice the act of seeing innocence not only in others but ourselves. That innocence is a pathway to forgiveness—when you can talk about it, see, and embrace it.

I’m not saying that people still didn’t do something, and I’m not saying you have to have lunch with them, but I am saying that if we want to believe in soul contracts, we want to believe that we’re souls coming down to earth and we’re all here for some purpose. 

When working with people with a teenage son, an ex-wife, I go, “Well, you don’t know what their life’s about. You don’t know why they’re here. Maybe they’re here to live that life that they’re living now that you’re so upset with.”

I don’t know that, you don’t either, and they might not know, but if we believe that we’re here for something larger and if we believe in soul contracts, and that we have a soul’s purpose, then hopefully that’ll give us a little courage to live it.

Yeah. One important distinction I received not long ago, within the last two years, was that we don’t have souls, but we are souls. We have bodies, thoughts, and minds. We aren’t the mind. We aren’t the body. Our soul isn’t inside of our body. Our soul is bigger than our body. Our soul encompasses our body, and our body is inside our soul. I just love that.

I do too. It is a shift from being attached to the external physical world and surrendering to something larger than us. That takes a willingness because everything in this 3D world feels hard and real. Your husband left you, your child called you a horrible name, and you flunked a class. Those things feel so real. 

For us to live that soul life bigger than our body, we must be able to transcend and see beyond the physical world. That is difficult for many people. That’s a shift. 

“Who am I, then?” Changing our identity and what we believe. Are you willing to be wrong about everything to find the right light? Are you willing to be wrong about everything? 

If you’re not willing to be wrong about even what you believe, what you see, and what you think, then you’re putting a lock on that, and you’re going to have a difficult time seeking out the truth of who you are, seeing your innocence, and forgiving.

There are two sides to this coin. This is a struggle I have. One side of the coin is not wanting to be wrong, and the other is wanting to be right.

That’s our humaneness. We can call it the ego or the wheel of fear. But you as a soul and me as a soul could care less about being right. 

When we want to be right, we know just because we want to be right, literally because we want that. We know that is from what we want to call the ego or what I call the wheel of fear or the monkey mind. You automatically know that you’re trapped in this human reality because the minute you want to be right, you’re trapped.

Yeah. A friend who’s quite psychic and not public about it was just referring to the Earth as a prison planet. I didn’t want to get into it with him. I just let him have that one.

Right. Here, you can believe that. It doesn’t serve me, but you go ahead.

It certainly doesn’t serve me. Miracles are everywhere. Every moment is a miracle. I couldn’t have one more breath without God. I see miracles happening. 

For us to live a soul life bigger than our body, we must be able to transcend and see beyond the physical world.

Again, going back to that definition of a miracle not being the impossible becoming possible, the odds of some of these things happening in recent months are one in trillions. They’re undeniably unusual, extraordinary, almost outside the laws of physics, wild coincidences, but that’s how the universe is supposed to work for us. 

Synchronicity is the foundation and the scaffolding of bringing together all the beautiful souls in our soul family that have agreed to take the supporting actor roles in our movie. They can just show up in some fashion. 

When it’s a synchronicity, like, “Oh, hello, here’s God at work again. I almost forgot momentarily that this is all powered by God.”

And we’re the supporting players in other people’s lives. I agree with you. Life is a miracle. Einstein says, “You either live as if everything’s a miracle or everything isn’t.” I choose Miracle because that’s way more fun, inspiring, heart-opening, mind-opening, and expansive than the opposite.

There’s an extra corollary to that. You could live like nothing is random, or everything is random because, when you go behind the illusion of our matrix, nothing is random, not even a random number generator. Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about how you can slightly influence a random number generator but with statistically significant variations just by thoughts. 

It’s so powerful. When you crack this open, you see one glitch in the matrix, opening the door for many more and for all miracles to come into your vision. I learned from Judaism that everything is a blessing, so it is a corollary to this idea of miracles and when you remove the illusionary veil and everything. 

It’s just whether the blessing has been revealed or not. You want more of your traditional blessings that you think of as blessings, you could pray for more revealed blessings, and then you get more precision around what you like. “Oh, I just won the lottery.” That is a blessing of a different kind because you end up getting in a worse condition typically. 

I choose miracles because that’s way more fun, inspiring, heart-opening, mind-opening, and expansive than the opposite.

I’ve read some of these stories of people who have won the lottery and how that was the worst thing for them then, but in retrospect, when you connect all the dots afterward, “Wow, that did serve me.”

Absolutely. I just think of my parents. That served me. That propelled me on a path of personal development and searching. God didn’t keep my mother alive, and I was just planning to be a minister. 

At that moment, I put a line between me and God. I never got mad at Him, but I remember that the first thing I heard when the bullet stopped was, “I’ll never give you a lesson that you can’t do. You’re never going to get more than you can do.”

I’m thinking, “This is more than I can do. This is a little over the top.” I ran and prayed to God, “Please save my mother.” When she died, I put God on the other side. Again, I never got mad at Him. I knew he was doing His business, but I didn’t want another lesson, and I felt on a cellular level. 

Logically, I knew the truth. We know the truth sometimes, but on a visceral level in ourselves, our body doesn’t know. I 100% believed that if I returned to God, somebody in my family would die. I was so devoted to God when my mother died that I correlated that as many people would. Of course, I was 14. 

I knew it wasn’t true, but in my cells, falling back into the arms of God was the last thing I could do if I were going to save and be that superhero for my family. It wasn’t until 20 years later. God never quit bugging me.

Do you hear God? How does that work?

Yes, I hear God. God talks to me. I won’t always say, but I have a dialogue and a relationship. I was like, “Get away from me. I don’t want you.”

 

Whenever I heard the word “God,” I would change it to the light, universe, field, or something. I remember driving home from church, and God was nudging me hard. It was raining as well. I pulled over on Mulholland Drive, and I and God had it out. I wrestled with God. I was there for forty-five minutes or an hour just having it out with God. Finally, at the end of it, I realized that I could no longer deny God and that if it meant my whole family died, so be it.

There is a difference between intellectually and viscerally knowing something in your cells. I was afraid to wake up the next morning because I was convinced somebody would be dead. The good news is nobody did die, but going through that wrestling with God and me rejoining and coming back to God started propelling me faster on my path because now, all the years the locusts have eaten have returned to you. 

All those times I was trying to find my way, it’s like time collapsed. Once I could say yes to God again, I could hear Him clearer and take action quicker because I was no longer afraid that somebody would die at the expense of my action.

Something I learned in studying Kabbalah is that all losses are part of the illusion, the fear of your loved ones dying because you’ve fallen back into God’s arms. I’m curious to hear what your thoughts are about this concept or this. I would tell the truth. Everybody has their truth so that loss is an illusion. What’s your take on that?

We are in a human body for a reason and have huge opportunities to open our hearts to see innocence and forgiveness, which opens us up and pierces the illusion.

I agree. This is the thing. We’re human reality, and loss feels very real in human reality. When we’re looking through that lens, it’s very real. Our human experience is valuable, so I don’t believe in shunning our human experience. We are in a human body for a reason and have huge opportunities to open our hearts and being to see innocence and forgiveness, which all open our hearts and pierce the illusion. Then we do see that there’s no loss.

If I look back, once I was able to say yes to God and once I was able to forgive my father, my mother, and then myself, even though on a human plane, my father murdered my mother and killed himself in front of me was horrific—we can all agree on that—I also know that they are right here with me and we are doing this together. 

Don’t get me wrong. On the human plane, there are times that I still get activated and still have moments of sadness and grief. Something happens in your life, and it brings back that memory. It brings back that cellular, and you’re right back there, not to that level and intensity, but it reminds you. All of that allows us to become more masterful at forgiveness, no loss, and seeing through the illusion.

It’s a paradox. You must get into your human reality to know it’s an illusion. If you’re on the surface, you’re not going to get into it as fast necessarily, or you won’t have that contrast.

I believe there’s no such thing as loss after awakening and after waking up to that, but to say that too soon to somebody at a loss is on the human plane. There’s a human experience. 

Again, I want to honor the human experience, but I also know where everybody’s going: to know the truth about forgiveness, innocence, loss, the hem of the garment, and the years locusts have eaten. 

We get to decide. We’re so powerful. God gave us free will, which is amazing. The challenge is we use our power for things that keep us stuck in the world rather than transcending the world.

It’s tricky to have that awareness of your awareness and to keep it at all times. You’re in the game and out of the game at the same time. You lose focus for a second, and you’re sucked into the game and completely forgotten. You’re in the movie theater, you forget that you’re in a theater watching a movie, and now you’re in the movie.

I just went through a very difficult time on a human plane. I told God, “I haven’t felt this way for 30 years. Is this for me to remember how my clients feel? Is this to remind me how much of the world feels?” Because I don’t feel that necessarily very often. Feeling that on the human plane allowed me to expand my level of compassion, forgiveness, and heart. 

I always tell my clients the difference between me and you is that I know the ending. I know there’s happily ever after. I know it’s going to be good. I’ve gone through so many nights that I know you will transcend this. 

You just don’t know that because you just haven’t done it enough, but once you go through it, see how you will transcend it, and that you will be able to get the fodder from it to use for fertilizer for your present life and the future, then you’re no longer afraid to human reality—to feel the pain, suffering, frustration, and loneliness. Because you know that’s doing something to the very essence of your being so that you can be more alive, more usable, more available, and more translucent.

What did God answer when you asked, “Is this why I’m going through this terrible experience?” The worst one in 30 years. Was there more to it than that?

Yes, a little bit, but it was something bigger than that. It was really for me to hone my purpose. We think of God as the rain, and we’re the stone. We’re always getting dripped on. Sometimes, it’s a storm. But can you know the truth? Can you hang on to the center? 

As I was hanging on to the center with my fingernails, it became clear that this was just for me to go deeper into why I was there. I don’t want to shift my work on the planet because that’s not quite it, but to bring new colors and a higher vibration to it.

One thing my Kabbalah teacher told me is that it’s like this wave or this roller coaster that you go up where everything is magic and synchronicity. You’re in the fulfillment, but there’s no desire up there.

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That’s right. You’re content. You feel alive. You feel connected.

You need to come back down to get into the desire again and reignite that, but now you’re out of fulfillment. 

I had a huge lesson a year ago. There are so many lessons that I could impact from that, but it’s ultimately a huge gift. It didn’t take me long to recognize that that was a gift from God and to adjust my filters around processing that. 

It’s not easy. I had to empty my vessel to return to the desire to build an even bigger, stronger vessel to receive even more light.

That’s one of the hardest things when you’ve reached the high. That’s where I’ve been, exactly similar to you. It is humbling and reminds us that we are all the same. I just keep reminding myself that the years the locusts have eaten will be given back to you and that my job is to move through this, take my rake, gather up the leaves, and be awake to what’s happening because it is a cycle. 

Like a roller coaster, you must hang on in your journey to fearless living.

They think you must forgive once, or only one bad thing will happen. They don’t know about the roller coaster. Just imagine your body and imagine there are a bunch of holes in it. When you first forgive, you fill up one hole. That hole has been so vacant and empty that it feels like I can breathe again. It feels like you’ve filled up all the holes, but it didn’t. 

I think of my journey when I was at the third suicide attempt. Of course, I wanted my mother there, and I had to forgive her again, so I filled another hole. Then, when I got married, I remember just crying like, “You’re not here again,” filling up another hole. Then, when I got divorced, I felt angry that she wasn’t there.

In all these moments, there’s not one hole of forgiveness. I just imagined that there’s a whole bunch. As you grow and increase your awareness, capacity to live in the moment, and heart capacity, holes are revealed, you fill those, and you will feel even more alive.

So many clients go, “I can’t believe I have to forgive again.” I was like, “No, that means you’ve grown. You actually can experience the whole. You know it’s there. That’s amazing because it wouldn’t appear if you couldn’t heal it. If you have a new feeling, ‘unforgiveness’ reappears. That’s proof of how much you’ve grown so that you can see what needs to be cleared out, healed, faced, loved, and forgiven at this level. I’m with you. Like a roller coaster, you have to hang on sometimes.”

Another analogy that comes to mind is the Japanese term Kintsugi, which is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the pieces together with lacquer and powdered gold. It’s making the vessel even more valuable because it’s been broken.

People would not trust me like they do if I didn’t have my horrific day, and I wouldn’t be able to speak in such a resonated way if I didn’t have my horrible 20 years.

People ask me, “Do you wish it would have been different?” I go, “Of course, I would rather have my mother and father alive.” If I was going to be a housewife in the Midwest, my parents were alive, and I had three kids, fine, great, awesome. But that wasn’t what was in store for me. 

Not having that life was also painful. Not having three kids, not living in the Midwest, and not living three blocks from my mother can be painful. We all have pain and joy coexisting. “What thread are you going to hang on to?” I love the pots and the gold. That just always reminds me of the truth.

Nothing is random. Something that caught my visual interest when we were talking earlier was a blue jay. I can tell when these are signs and messages. Right now, I can see an ibis out the window. That’s not a message right now, but the blue jay is.

Let me read a few things from this book, Animal Speak, by Ted Andrews about the blue jay. Tell me what resonates for you. I’ll just pick a small selection. 

“For those to whom the jay comes as a totem, it can reflect lessons in using your power properly. It can also reflect lessons in not allowing yourself to be placed in a position where power is misused against you.” 

Does anything resonate there for you?

The word power. We have so much power, and we forget that we can use it in our favor or it can be used against us. Both of those things are very true, but again, when you say power, it’s like, “Yeah, we forget how powerful we are.”

I’m not talking about power on this human plane, even though that is true as well, but the power of spirit, the power of the soul, the power of who we are, the power of what we can see, and if we just choose to see it.

The second part of the power against you is the roller coaster where we believe we’re at the effect of this world, or we believe that we transcend this world. That is that constant tightrope, and how much can we stay in the transcendence and yet fully interact in the world? We think, “Oh, it’s easier if I just become a monk, live in the mountains, and don’t interact.  I just want to meditate all day.”

Some people are meant to do that, but most of us are not. Most of us are meant to go up to the top of the mountain, return, and share the good news to share the expansion we’ve experienced and emit that through our energy field.

I did a vision quest once. I was alone in the woods for five days with nothing. Two significant things happened to me regarding animals. One was I was on the blanket sitting, and I started folding up the blanket. In the act of folding the blanket, I crushed a caterpillar. I was devastated. I’m like, “Oh, I’m on a vision quest. I don’t want to kill anything.” That’s one thing that happened.

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Then, the next thing that happened was I was next to a quartz field. I said, “I want to camp here for five days.” I would meditate inside the quartz every day. One day, a hummingbird came up to me and then left. At the end of our vision quest, we met again with our teacher and told him, “I killed a caterpillar, and then this hummingbird came up to me.” He goes, “When an animal dies in your presence, it gives you its energy. It’s giving you its life force. What does a caterpillar mean? It’s a rebirth. It’s transcendence. Caterpillar goes into a butterfly. You’re undergoing a metamorphosis, so the caterpillar gave you its energy. The hummingbird was also a message.” 

Like when you said the blue jay, we always get messages. If you want to be encouraged and hopeful, take this as a sign. Take this as synchronicity. You get to decide, “Is this a sign that will help me and move me forward into where I want to go, or is this a sign that I’m taking on the human plane that makes me get stuck in this human world?”

We get to interpret everything, and we get to decide. Are you going to choose a message of hope? Are you going to choose a message of transcendence? Are you going to choose a message like a caterpillar giving you its energy force and supporting you, and it’s right there with you transforming, or will you say, “I’m a bad person because I killed the caterpillar?”

We get to interpret everything. That’s how powerful we are.

Right. An amazing coincidence I’ll share that I completely forgot that happened until you were talking about the animals giving you their energy is I tried to rescue and save an injured blue jay. 

It was on the sidewalk. It looked like it was already dead, but I went up to it, and its eyes were open. It was looking at me. I asked its permission to pick it up if it wanted. Telepathically, I got the yes, so I carried it back to the house a couple of doors away, showed my wife, Orion, and asked her to help care for it for a few minutes while I figured out where to take it. 

We called a local animal rescue, and they said, “Come on and bring him.” He didn’t make it. I’m five minutes on the road with this blue jay in the car with me, and then he’s gone. But my Kabbalah teacher told me, “This blue jay is with you. His soul supports you, and he’s coming for the ride.” 

“The jay can link the heavens and earth to access each for greater power. Its blue wings and black and white markings also reflect the same ability. The sky (blue) separates the heavens (white) and the earth (black). This totem can move between both and tap the primal energies at either level. Jay is aware of this innate ability, reflected in his blue crest—higher knowledge that can be used. The main problem will be dabbling in both worlds rather than becoming a true master of both.”

That is exactly what we talked about. Also, when you talked about the blue jay and taking it in your arms, I thought, “How wonderful. It didn’t die alone and cold on the sidewalk.” You held it, and it died in a more beautiful, transcendent way. I love the meaning of that totem that you said. That is the problem—one foot in and one foot out. I think it’s just beautiful.

Awesome. There’s something else I’m being nudged to share. I’m getting all these nudges here. Do you know the song Adia by Sarah McLachlan?

She sings in that song all about innocence. You’ve brought innocence up many times in this interview, so I would like to share a little excerpt from the lyrics that will speak to you.

“Adia, I thought that we could make it

I know I can’t change the way you feel

I leave you with your misery

A friend who won’t betray

I pull you from your tower

I take away your pain

And show you all the beauty you possess

If you’d only let yourself believe

That we are born innocent

Believe me, Adia, we are still innocent

It’s easy, we all falter

Does it matter?”

That in and of itself is what I believe. It’s amazing how shame, blame, and judgment fall off our shoulders when we embrace innocence. The shame, blame, or baggage we’re carrying falls off our shoulders, yet most people just hang on. “Well, Rhonda, but you don’t understand. I did this horrible thing.” 

It’s like, “Yeah, but you didn’t do it. The real you didn’t do it. The you that is the essence of who you are did not do that. It was you on this human plane that was trying to work things out that did it. Can you separate yourself? Can you see yourself?” As you’re saying, soul versus body. 

I love it when you talk about the blue jay in the bridge because that’s how I see my work. I’m the bridge between human reality and spiritual truth because there is in this moment for most of us not denying human reality. Still, we can also incorporate, transcend, and take on the spiritual truth so that human reality becomes much easier, more graceful, more synchronicity, and more miracle-minded to live. We got a choice. We’re so powerful.

We can incorporate, transcend, and take on spiritual truth so that human reality becomes much easier and more graceful.

“The power to create worlds is within us.” That’s from Abraham Hicks. Fear is something that feeds the lower energies. There’s a lot of material on Netflix or the news that will feed or stir that fear in us, which then the lower light will feed on, so stop feeding it your fear and energy.

By the way, I learned from one of my mentors, Tina Zion, an amazing medical intuitive psychic and Reiki master. She has written several books on these topics. She was watching a Netflix show that was not very good. It was pretty dark, and she was like, “Why am I watching this?” There was a scene where the protagonist told whatever the evil thing was in the show, “I have no more fear to feed you.”

I have no more fear to feed you. I love everything you’re saying today. It’s so moving. One of the things that I know to be true in my experience is most people don’t even know it’s fear. The first hurdle I must overcome with my students and clients is that they must admit that they have fear, but most people don’t even see it as fear. They see it as a flaw in themselves. They see it as defects. “I’m the problem.” They don’t see procrastination as fear. They don’t see being overwhelmed as fear. They don’t see anxiety as fear. They don’t see their perfectionism as fear. They just think of those as character flaws. 

When you start seeing that those things are activated and occurring because of fear, now we can get to the root and not only shift it but also build a relationship with it.

What I tell my students is, “Fear loves you. It’s just trying to keep you safe. Because you have limited skills and tools, you only know how to do it in certain ways.” 

Once you learn more skills and tools, identify fear for what it is instead of taking that shame, procrastination, perfectionism, anxiety that overwhelms, wrong decision, and unforgiveness, start seeing through that lens of like, “Oh, that’s all fear-based.” Put it in a bucket over here instead of making each individual so powerful—I procrastinated, I get overwhelmed, and I have anxiety—then you can start looking with clear eyes at, “Oh, fear is just trying to keep me safe. I have the choice and power to decide to let fear have its way with me or not.”

But most people are stuck at the level of their fear-based responses. The fear responses are stuck on the human plane of there’s something wrong with me. That’s where the innocence comes in. When you start seeing your innocence, you can start separating yourself from those procrastination, perfectionism, anxiety, and overwhelm, whatever you think are the quirks, whatever you think is wrong with you, and whatever your problems are. Once you can start seeing your innocence, you can start seeing those things through a different lens and then be able to put them in the bucket and transcend them.

When you’re talking about the human plane, I translate that into Kabbalistic teachings of the body consciousness versus the soul consciousness. You have both. The soul consciousness is limitless, has full mercy and unconditional love, and is so beautiful, bright, and everything, and the body consciousness is fear-based, reactive, full of ego, and so forth. 

You’re gifted with all this beautiful baggage, all these personality quirks, and things that trigger people. That’s part of your soul correction for this lifetime. In the next lifetime, we’re in different challenges and gifts of personality defects.

When you start seeing that some things or emotions are activated because of fear, you can get to the root, shift it, and build a relationship with it.

If you think of your body consciousness as driving the bus when you cave into cravings for chocolate, it’s like, “Do I want my body consciousness to be driving this bus?” Or, “Do I want my soul consciousness to drive it?” I always want my soul consciousness to be driving the bus. 

It can be hard to resist the cravings. I just had some chocolate an hour ago. I had a conversation with God about it beforehand. I’m like, “Please, God, help me with this craving because it’s annoying.”

Some people say if it’s dark chocolate, it’s good for you. It depends on your addiction.

No, it was not that kind.

That’s the thing. That’s a humble, on-your-knees surrender moment. In all these moments, we’re being called. They’re just saying, “Here’s another time you can choose.”

And we’re doing it every minute of every day. We get to decide. We are powerful. You call it soul consciousness. 

My theme is to live the life your soul intended. That’s my motto in my Fearless Living Institute—live your soul’s intended life. When you can surrender to that, even when you have that moment of wanting the chocolate from what you call the body consciousness and what I’d call the wheel of fear, that even can be laughed at and enjoyed even though you’re going through that tunnel and painful dive in the needle

It’s so much fun. One last thing I’ll leave you with—maybe you can just comment on it for a minute because I know we’re at a time here. This came to me to bring up. It’s the definition of fear from the book, The Game of Life and How to Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn, published in the 1920s. She was so ahead of her time.

So ahead of her time. I love reading books from the 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s. I love reading Christian Larson’s The Pathway of Roses, 1921. It’s beautiful.

Fear is inverse faith. Do you remember that from the book?

Yes, I do. People talk about that. They say, “You’re just having faith in the wrong things.” The theory is that you always have faith. It’s just what you have faith in. Do you have faith in fear? 

Every emotion has a job; fear’s job is to love you and keep you safe. Once you can see through the illusion and see that you can choose faith and soul consciousness instead, then life changes. You see through a different lens. Once you see through a different lens, everything changes. Your whole life changes, everything that ever happened to you changes, your whole stories change, and the meaning and point of them all change. It changes the past.

Live your soul’s intended life.

You can heal your ancestors who lived hundreds of years before you by praying for them.

Not only that. It’s 100% that I am healing my legacy line as I heal. Sometimes, when I don’t dare to do it myself, I don’t feel worthy, I don’t feel like I can do it, or maybe I feel unable to do it. I think of my nieces, nephews, future line, and past line, and I say I will do it for them. That gives me courage.

I always say to people, “If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your kids, for the future, and the past.” Clean up around you because as you’re healing now, you’re healing the DNA of your entire line.

And your ripple effect is rippling across timelines and universes in the multiverse.

I say yes and more yes.

Clean up around you because as you’re healing now, you’re healing the DNA of your entire line.

This has been so much fun. How do we work with you? How do we get coached by you, take your courses, read your book, and all that stuff?

Thank you for asking. Go to fearlessliving.org. I have a gift if people want to grab it. It’s a course to transcend procrastination and start seeing yourself differently through a different lens. It’s called Stretch, Risk, or Die. If you find yourself not moving forward and stuck in this human plane, go and grab it. It’s fearlessliving.org/risk. Check it out. It’s a 3–15 minute video, a whole bunch of worksheets, and it will show you where you may be getting caught on this human plane.

You are a bright light in the world. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and challenges. You’re vulnerable and open with us.

Thank you for having me. It’s been a pleasure. Be fearless.

Listener, I want you to do something outside your comfort zone this week. Please email me and let me know what you did. My email address is me@stephanspencer.com. 

Just get out there, reveal light in the world, and see what that does for you. Don’t do it because of that to get something in return but do it to be the light, and you’ll see amazing gifts coming your way.

We’ll catch you in the next episode. I’m your host, Stephan Spencer, signing off.

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About Rhonda Britten

Rhonda Britten—Emmy Award-winner, Repeat Oprah guest, Master Coach—has changed lives in over 600 episodes of reality television, is the author of four bestsellers, including her seminal work, “Fearless Living,” and is the Founder of the Fearless Living Institute, home of the Ivy League of Life Coaching Training. Named “America’s Favorite Life Coach,” she brings the neuroscience of fear down to earth, giving you a path out of “not being good enough” using the “Wheels” technology she developed that saved her own life.

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