I need to plan everything

I need to plan everything

The eve of the holidays becomes for some of us a heavy test: you need to provide everything in advance, make a plan, prepare for any surprises. How to stop spending the forces to solve this obviously impossible task?

"There are two events in a year, because of which I worry every time," the 40-year-old owner of the art gallery Anna says. – This is a new year and vacation. I think about them all the time and fall into panic with the thought that I can forget something ". Why Many of us, like Anna, in two months begin to prepare a list of gifts, schedule plan seating guest at the table, present your evening outfit, think over the route route and entertainment for every day? Why do you need to plan?

I calm myself. When many cases are collapsed for us, stress is rapidly growing. "Cretaceous is the natural reaction of the body with which we adapt to the new situation," explains the family psychologist Inna Chiffanova. Planning, we make the situation less unexpected and, accordingly, less intense. "The unknown is alarming," the psychologist continues, "and we worry, worry that we will not cope with the situation". And making a plan, we feel that they have returned their control – at least in their own thoughts.

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My experience

Marina, 37 years old, nurse

"I used to take on all. Who is preparing dinner with friends? I AM. Who orders for all train tickets? I AM. I all said: "Marina, you do it better than all of us …" by itself, I liked when I was praised. But the organization of all these meetings, parties, rides took away time and strength. In addition, I was very demanding. Now I distribute duties! All participate: husband is preparing, cousin buys train tickets. And I. I only at the end control them! And it frees me from the oppressive tension ".

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I want everything perfect. We all want significant events for us successfully. In this sense, it is quite natural not to regret the forces. The problem appears in the event that perfectionism is hidden for our efforts. The manic desire for perfection increases if the rate of is too high. "More adult people do not give themselves the rights to a mistake, – explains Psychoanalyst Judy Tiana (Judy Taiana). – In pursuit of ideal, we strive to protect yourself from any reproaches and achieve recognition of others. ". And thereby raise self-esteem. To love us, you need to be perfect! What is the rule? It exists from childhood. "Each family has their own principles, such as" do our best "or" be perfect ", – Reminds Inna Chiffanova. – And these parents continue to sound in our unconscious ". And nothing remains to us, except to adapt to these requirements.

I definitely missed. Significant events, and above all New Year holidays, cause us many diverse feelings. "They will be the baby sleeping in us," says Judi Tian. – Vacation, beginning of study, New Year – all these are symbols of our childhood. They give us the hope of catching up missed, non-trap in the past and console yourself ". So that the magic power of the new year worked, we call the huge number of guests, we are carefully organized, we plan to the smallest detail. And what if our whole bustle is just a reason to fill the lack of joy and festive mood in the past? And in the desire to sink all the gifts hides the need to please yourself? Marketers are well known this weakness: it’s enough to look in November and December for store shelves filled with toys, chocolate and festive outfits ..

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What to do?

I need to plan everything

Do not deny oneself

The principle "Do not refuse yourself" allows you to discard the thoughts that limit us. To learn to take care of yourself, it is worth repeating these rules: "You can make a mistake"; "You have the right to think about yourself"; "You should not take care of all".

Draw lists

Some of us lists of affairs help, and others, on the contrary, oppress. If you feel about the first, then it will be important for you to know that the internal voltage decreases when we start your record plan with verb ("Order Products Home", "Call Mom"). And divide the task for a few simple cases that can be performed consistently. Avoid and blurred common tasks ("cook dinner"). Lists of affairs to certain events may be interesting: for example, a list of gifts or places that you should visit during children’s holidays.

Hear baby inside

We can see our lives in a new way, even if there were a lot of suffering. To do this, you need to detect a child. Check out questions: What was your childhood experience? Have you been heard senior? To whom you could trust? What was your place in the family? Be applied to yourself, talk with your heart and remember the answers to all these questions. If the pain is too big, then psychotherapy will help you.

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