Depreciation pit: how I throw myself?
For many of us, the depreciation is difficult to experience. If you notice that you are painfully reacting to the depreciation, or at all – you emphasize the action of the acquistence of the extension without testing reality – then this article is for you.
The mechanism of depreciation is simple, but in order to deal with it, you first need to deal with the evaluation mechanism.
Little child is born clean, without understanding, which is good, and what is bad. And while he grows, it relies in many ways only to assess the parents: independently put on the boots – Mom praises, it means that it is good. Smashed her mother’s vase – mom is angry, then it’s bad. The primary baby forms its own assessment system through the assessment of his actions by the parents. And, as a rule, at the beginning it is black and white: it is good, and it is bad, and not otherwise. In the process of upbringing, the child assigns the parental assessment system, and then – in adulthood – he adjusts it to him: understands that from what parents talked, for him it may be optionally good or not necessarily bad, and that it is possible to leave such like a family is and “Gave”.
However, for various reasons, this mechanism sometimes fails, and we stay with a somewhat infantile, children’s system for assessing their actions – we trust this function to another, as “conditional parent”. Such a mechanism is justified for a child, but not for an adult. And just here are the problems with the depreciation: it is important to us when who and how much evaluates us “OK”, And it hurts us when someone appreciates us “poorly”.
Move the depreciation is unpleasant. Personally, I come across a fright in this topic (“Really I am so bad as he / she says?”), hereinafter – with anger and rejection (“Well, nafig you, go to the forest, since I am so bad!”), hereinafter – with pity for himself, sadness, feeling of destruction and the need for isolation (“Sad and hurt that I am so awkward, bad! How now live?”). The biggest shock in this topic, I experienced when I realized that I fell entirely into these experiences, and sometimes I am emotionally sick for a long time. Then I wondered: how I throw myself?
How so it turns out that I throw myself in this pit pain, fear and sadness with a negative review sometimes not even very important to me? It is logical to think that there is no no one in life yes I will definitely find a person who will not like something in you or what you do. But there are also frankly unpleasant people who are in principle to communicate with those surrounding through negative experiences. Then it turns out that with such a pattern of behavior, I practically doomed sooner or later to be wounded by someone else’s assessment. So why, why and how I leave myself in the most vulnerable moment alone?
For an independent study of the behavioral pattern in the process of depreciation, I offer an exercise that contains two blocks: frustrating and resource. The first helps to explore the situation, although this immersion can be discomfort. And the second makes it possible to deal with its resources and maintain yourself in the depreciation situation.
- How I worry the depreciation process?
- What sensations I notice in my body?
- What feelings I come across?
- Where these experiences gather in my body?
- What are these experiences and sensations like?
- With what people are usually associated with similar feelings?
- In what usual situations, I detect the experiencing data and sensations?
- What is similar to this depreciation situation?
- Was some important experience of my past, where I felt like this way?
- This experience left painful experiences?
- As far as the experience was traumatic for me?
- What kind of metaphor / image / symbol I can choose to this situation?
- What happens to me in the depreciation situation?
- What are the meanings, I put the actions of a person depreciating me?
- Depreciates me – it means that he makes it with me?
- Devalue myself – it means that I do this?
- Why should I fall into the depreciation yam? What is the benefit for me for this? What I get when I feel impaired?
- What am I losing when I feel impaired?
- Why I act in the depreciation in this way? This is some kind of experience of my family? This is a shortage of other ways to respond? Or something else?
- I allow yourself to devalue the other in response? I allow myself to be angry, and not just sadness if I rejected me? How do I have a case with protective aggression?
- As in a different way, I can cope with my experiences in the depreciation situation?
- What can help me not fall into a hole of loneliness in this process?
- Is there any ways in my family in a different way to cope with severe experiences?
- Are there any people in my environment who I envy in how they cope with the depreciation? What they do differently?
- What is important to me to remember at that moment when I start to fall into the yam of experiences from the depreciation?
- What symbol / metaphor are for me an association of successful treatment with your experiences in a difficult situation?
- What else can I rely on when I am worried about depreciation?
In conclusion, from my own experience, I will say that a good express solution in this topic may be a support for two questions: what is my main difficulty in experiencing the depreciation process, and what can be my main resource in solving this problem?