What did you do that he does not beat you, “or why women are again to blame

"What did you do so that he does not beat you?", Or why women are to blame again

In the last days, the our-speaking Internet shakes a large scandal, in the center of which the question of domestic violence unexpectedly. The question that usually prefers not to see and take the carpet. What happened?

The leading Regina Todorenko, together with her husband Vlad Topalov, took part in the air Peopletalk TV and during the interviews made several statements that caused a storm.

Among other things, she called victims of domestic violence mentally unstable, condemned the fact of the "removal of Sora from His", and asked the question: "What did you do that he does not beat you?"And thus suffered all responsibility from the criminal for sacrifice.

Her words produced an indelible effect: the next day the magazine Glamour deprived Todorenko the title "Woman of the Year", and many public individuals opened her behavior. Soon she published a post with apologies, where he wrote that he didn’t even guess how much the problem was common, and she stated that she was against any violence.

Nevertheless, the damage was already applied, and Todorenko, most likely, will be remembered for a long time as a woman accusing other women.

On the one hand, this story is terribly banal and repeats the well-known scheme: a public person speaks any nearby muck, receives an answer from the amazed public and is bitterly in public. Nothing new, this happens with constant regularity. Still, black PR is also a PR.

On the other hand, it is this situation that is beautiful in its checotiness and meta1ism and carries an illustrative value. What I mean? I’ll explain now.

So, one woman says: "Women are to blame for domestic violence" and "If he hits you – it means you didn’t do it so that he does not beat". What is she doing? Repeatrates the old patriarchal idea that it is the woman who is responsible for the emotional life of a man and his behavior. What exactly it should emotionally serve and take care that the man "behaves well.

This story is old as a world. Rassed? It means that the woman provoked, was too frankly dressed, teased, and he could not resist. Beat? It means that she did something or said, provoked his anger, and he broke.

In all these stories, one thing is one thing – a woman is responsible for himself and for another. She is Messenger, and it depends on it, whether it will be subjected to beatings, sexual violence or humiliation. Such rhetoric fully deprives a man of responsibility for his actions, unleashes his hands.

No matter what exactly makes the rapist, because it is always as if behind the scenes – outside the spotlight, which is directed to a woman. No one asks the question: why did you beat her? How could you raise your hand on another person? What did you think? Instead, we ask these questions to the victim.

What they often come from women can be easily explained. When you are responsible, it seems that you have and control over the situation. That is, things about the responsibility of the victim, we say: "This will never happen to me, because I will do everything so that he does not beat me, did not rape and did not hurt; I am all controlling ".

What did you do that he does not beat you,

However, as practice shows, this illusion of allocation and control – no more than air locks.

But what we see in the situation with Regina Todorenko? That’s right, we see the same situation with the omnipotent woman and invisible men, only already at the metaurovna. In the arena, we have a woman again – which is conspicious of harmful nonsense and turns out to be fully responsible for all the troubles of the world.

It was she, and not, for example, her husband, who during an interview sits next to her and does not object, falls under the country of public condemnation, loses its title and is harmful. And on the one hand, it seems to be right – an adult public person must be responsible for his words, be he a man or a woman. Many argue like this: if we talk about the equality of the floors, so let’s not take off with women responsibility for their behavior.

However, why do we almost see situations where celebrity men are subjected to such an urastracy? Why do not lose the titles, titles and public love men who raised her hand on his wife and children? Why remain "hands-up" those whom dozens of women accused of sexual violence?

Why we are so easy to attack Regina, but we consider it absolutely normal when public men are not just expressed in the "elderly" key, but also commit real crimes against real women?

The answer is simple. Situation has fallen: a woman is always responsible. You can always ask her, you can punish for her behavior, it should always "be smarter". The man in the public consciousness is something like a divine animal, absolutely uncontrolled and not responsible for its actions, but also inviolable. And this state of affairs harms everyone, including men themselves.

However, in all this there is a bright moment. The very fact that the launching of a woman for violence, which was performed above it, causes public resonance and indignation, is already a sign that the climate changes in society, changes for the better. We have already begun to understand that it is impossible. We are on the way to a more humane, equal society. Although we go there, as usual, on the backs of other women.

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