What distinguishes sincere apologies from fake

What distinguishes sincere apologies from fake

We know since childhood: if the pain caused to someone, they walked into something, you need to ask for forgiveness. In relations, we act on the proven scheme: apologize, even if you do not feel regret not to inflate the scandal. But does this pretense work? Psychologist Christine Hammond believes that it only destroys relations yet.

As a psychotherapist I often hear from clients apologies or regret. Sometimes they utter them simply because they want to change the subject, although they really do not repent. Or they say it to calm the spouse or spouse if they came together, or when they feel a personal defeat. All these apologies are not suitable anywhere, because they are insincere, they do not help improve relations.

Only real repentance helps to get close. They show that you really care about the partner, his thoughts and feelings. Unsuccessful apologies, on the contrary, more spoil relations. Let us give a few examples.

1. "Sorry, Sorry, Sorry". These passive-aggressive "apologies" are pronounced simply to change the topic and make a partner silence. They show that you do not perceive his experiences seriously.

2. "I’m sorry that it happened so, but. ". "But" is a reservation that changes everything. If you can’t apologize without "but", then, do not repent. It’s just an attempt to justify.

3. "I apologize for . But not for . ". The first is usually some kind of trifle, and the second is the main offense. So you are trying to get away from responsibility and passively transfers the guilt on the partner.

4. "Sorry, but you yourself (a). ". So you carry all the blame on the partner. Such an apology is not comprehensible.

5. "Sorry that it happened so". Too generalized apology without any specific concrete shows that you are not really ready to take responsibility for your actions.

What distinguishes sincere apologies from fake

6. "Sorry" (with laughter). Laughter sounds like a mockery of the interlocutor and his experiences about what happened, you seek to bring it.

7. "Sorry" (with tears). Overly emotional regrets with tears are also not comprehensive. You suggest the show and transfer attention to yourself, forgetting about those who have suffered from your actions.

eight. "Sorry, what did it hurt you". In a suitable situation, this expresses sympathy. But often this phrase seems to hints to the partner that he is too injured and sensitive.

nine. "Sorry, which prevented (a)". You are afraid of the conflict or want to hear "Yes, you do not interfere with me". It shows your deep uncertainty and disrespect for the interlocutor.

ten. "Sorry, but I do not agree". Again, usually in this way you are trying to soften the subsequent aggressive lunge towards the partner.

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