What do parents do not have to do when they bred

What do parents do not have to do when they bred

Divorce – Hard time for family. But he is particularly hard for the child, because he cannot affect events. Psychologist Janet Hicks tells how parents can help the child survive a divorce.

For many years I consult families who are experiencing divorce. As it were, parents tried, children always suffer from breaking parents. All of them are experiencing painful emotions – anger, fear, sadness, denial, shock. And often these experiences are poured into negative behavior.

In a child, unlike adults, there is no choice in this situation. At the same time, divorce affects all aspects of his life. Feelings from the divorce of parents are similar to the experiences of the death of a loved one, and the child needs to go through all stages of grief.

All that first seemed familiar and normal, suddenly changes, and the child can not affect it. It is not surprising that he has a feeling of impotence, which often leads to the periods of shock, denial and pronounced anger.

Some children are trying to influence parents. They persuade mother and father do not divorce, try to blackmail them or rushing on their natives with fists, rude and begin to behave asocially. The task of parents is to try to ease the children this period to help survive the disintegration of the family as painlessly as possible. To do this, keep track of how you behave with him and with each other.

1. Do not use the child as a postal pigeon

The child should not be an intermediary between parents – it is psychologically hard for him. I have seen a family too often in which the mother said: "Tell me" or "ask dad", and father passed through the child a response message. Communicate with your spouse directly or through a lawyer.

2. Talk with a child

When parents quarrel, stop talking to each other and do not live together, the child is confused. He does not understand what is happening and how it can end. Unknown breeds fear and anxiety. It is better to know the child what is actually happening, and try to cope with it than invent explanations to incomprehensible relations between parents.

3. Do not draw a child to conflicts

What do parents do not have to do when they bred

In the heat of the family quarrels, disputes about the division of property Parents often forget about the feelings of children. They involve sons and daughters in their marriage process, quarrel with a child, tell him the details of their relationship and speak terrible things about the second parent. Stay, it’s you divorce, and the child remains dad and mom.

4. Talk to a school psychologist and teachers

At school should be aware of your divorce. There the child can get the support that close people are not able to give. Sometimes children splash negative emotions at school, and teachers should understand: the reason is not in a bad temper, this behavior is a consequence of a difficult family situation. In some educational institutions, psychologists conduct group trainings for children who have encountered parents.

5. Behave yourself properly

Children watch mom and dad, even if the one seems that the son or daughter is absorbed by the game or homework. Boys and girls copy the behavior of parents, learn from them to keep the blow and negotiate. Try to avoid screams and insults, especially – the use of force. Violence can erect the wall between you and the child for many years.

If you feel that the situation comes out of control and you cannot cope with emotions, all the time crying, shout or, on the contrary, feel indifference to life and depression, please contact. The specialist will help you cope with the crisis, and you will give the child a positive example. He should know what to seek help and support is not ashamed and from any situation there is a way out.

What do parents do not have to do when they bred

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