What do you really need to children?
The desire to give the child more than all, and the best, toys, clothes, knowledge, entertainment – often leads to the fact that he is capricious and quickly tired. Parents are perplexed: why their love does not bring joy? Sometimes the best thing you can do is leave the children alone.
Less toys, good and different
Recently I was visiting a young family in Switzerland. Their daughters a year and a half. I was struck by how little she had toys. And those that are, is mostly legacy of parents or even grandmothers: porcelain doll, wooden cubes, Teddy bear, a couple of animals, three or four books.
Such a family vintage in a special price, the careful attitude towards it is naturally transmitted to the girl. And she is quite pleased with his set, with interest distributes roles in a simple home performance, with joy hurry to his corner, barely waking up.
In fact, the abundance of the child’s toys is exhausted. After all, you need to make a choice all the time? And focus almost impossible. Attention is dissipated, dissatisfaction accumulates, whims and the requirement of all new and new things are becoming the norm.
Parents often overestimate the needs of children and underestimate their opportunities – to play what is, to enjoy the game itself, and not from endless options.
"Outlessly a large number of toys in the children’s talks about the need to replace them with emotional participation in the child, the care of parents.
Another option is compensation for the absence of us, adults, such abundance, "Children’s psychologist Irina Markodik believes.
If toys accumulate, you can sort those that a child abrasion, broken or to remove repeated. And then they "update" the range of universal pleasure.
Safety above all
Sometimes it seems that you can make life easier if you do not think about the rules. Today we sleep and eat three times, tomorrow it will work out, because the circumstances change so quickly! If our children are involved in such a kaleidoscope, then you should not be surprised that they are worrying, become buggy and scattered.
Without noticing themselves, we deprive them of feelings of elementary stability. Especially if we are talking about the life of "two houses" in the event of a divorce when a child spends time with his father, then with his mother.
Take into account the interests of the child does not mean to build a world in the center of which is exclusively he, – this means that the child must be dedicated to the rules of this world, and the task of adults is to observe them.
"Children are part of our family system, important, but part – explains Irina Markody. – and in this system must necessarily be the place to all adults. They ensure compliance with the traditions and rules of the family who protect the child, giving him the opportunity to grow and develop and develop.
Once we rested with a four-year-old mart, my husband’s granddaughter. She really missed her mother, but, oddly enough, they comforted her not creative "Heppenings", which we were offered to her, trying to guess the children’s desire, and her familiar homemade rituals.
March did not go to bed without cooking clothes for tomorrow, from linen before gum for hair. After the soul, she asked her with cream, and after breakfast carefully collected all the dishes – and they calmed down at these moments.
"Children really need not in the connivance of their momentary desires, but in discipline, traditions and rules that help them learn how to regulate themselves, their own day, – so they understand how life is regulated in principle, – confirms Irina Mrodik. – It is important for children to hear their desires and reacted to them. And I do not necessarily agree, it is possible and refusal, because the children are important to learn to experience frustration next to the most important ".
The most simple family traditions are able to enter the life of the child the necessary rhythm, safety sense.
Waiting for books before bed – this is not so much a passion for stories, how much confirmation of home rest and promise tomorrow – the same prosperous, with a constant mother’s fairy tale at night.
Long live boredom!
Little Emelyan will soon three – and it still does not master any musical instrument, does not swim, dancing and does not teach French. What do he thinks his parents?
Parents think that Emelyan has a normal childhood. What to swim it will learn to the sea, french will learn when he goes to France, and music – in general when he wants.
And the first grader Daniel goes to the lessons of English, tennis, drawing and still to the speech therapist. In the mother’s car between all this, he can look at the iPad cartoon. The main thing is not to miss!
Parents look tired, but satisfied: a child has a minute free, it is continuously developing. Essentially, the child is continuously engaged in one thing – satisfies the ambitious parents.
"Indeed, this is a new-fashioned trend – try to give children everything, surround them with a total concern, make them the center of the adult world, – confirms Irina Marodik. – Children need our attention. But attention to this is our personal inclusion and readiness to respond, and not in a set of various loads that we are able to provide ".
In order for the child to begin to develop their own interests and the ability to critically understand their affairs, he needs free time. In the most literal sense, the free – negligent and, maybe unlimited.
"The boredom is one of the accessories of a thinking creature," said Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin. A person must find himself classes without external instructions, let it be reflections, felting on the sofa to the music, chatter on the phone with buddies, turning the collection of airplanes. This is one of the important conditions for the slow, but the right development of personal self-expression.
Parents, by the way, can file a good example, postponing smartphones or abandoning too dense weekend plans. Boredom in the sense, in which we avoid it, that is, the time spent without visible results can be quite fruitful.
You were heard
Somehow my friend in the kitchen discussed family and incoming problems, and her five-year-old son was engaged next to us. When we silenced, the boy, without breaking away from the plasticine, summed up: "Yes … the trouble came – Call the gate".
We are torn by adult thoughts with the mouth of babies. And we do not notice how we start tightening the children into the stream of our own experiences. Lower the gateways between the adult and the children’s world is not easy.
"Of course, we must share with children with emotions, including negative, but the information must be skipped through certain filters – Irina flashes. – We should not share what makes our sexuality, and discuss someone or love love.
And if you voice some problems, we must tell the child how we are going to cope with this so that he understands: may be difficulties, but they are overcome ".
In addition, in our power, at least turn off the TV, radio and … to be silent. In silence it is much easier to hear your own child, and he is much calmer without anxious conversation of adults.