What happened to my child? About children’s frustration
About the crisis for 3 years in a child heard any mom. When it starts, what reasons how many lasts and how to survive are the most frequent questions from the parents of three years. What underlies the so-called crisis of three years and how to behave parents?
When my son turned 3 years old, I again and again began to wonder: And where is my child? Where is the child who could be fed by anything without having received a hysterical about sour cream, which was on the place on a plate with Oladiami? Where is the child who is relatively easy to wear in tights, jumper, mittens, jumpsuit and hat-helmet? Well, perhaps, in mittens it was impossible to wear, but in the jumpsuit, it was exactly possible.
Where the child was missing, which could be given to any place in which you need to be my mother, from a doctor to mail? Where is the kid who did not confuse the substitution of one toy to another, when it is necessary to immediately return a valuable typewriter of an older brother, and he gets into his hands just a truck or anything else, although the first cube?
What happened to my child who did not rush to the floor, did not fight his head, did not scratch my face, was not offended, going into another room or running into the forest for a walk? Maybe a child of unhealthy? Maybe something happened?
My older children have grown up, and the younger joined the heyday when everything goes wrong! Not those boots, not that spoon, it is not so complicated damn, not so much … and thank God, this "everything goes wrong" There is a name – a child moves frustration. This is a saving word for a parent – frustration. That is, this is not a child, and in his life something goes wrong. Inverted. Daily. Hourly. And to be honest – every five to seven minutes.
What frustrate children?
The child wants something, and it is impossible. Or still impossible. Or more can not. Or completely impossible. Run to the river together. One move road. Fourth ice cream. Open the window itself – we still live on the third floor, and the trampolines under the windows are not provided by anyone.
The child wants to say something, but his speech is not yet clear enough. And mom still asks: a book? Kitenka? Kottenka? Boat? Well, how can you explain what the dragon is needed.
The child wants to build a house, but embarrassing fingers all the time knock down cubes. Can it not be upset? And here all the cubes fly who where. Just have time to dodge.
Recently, son upset, well, straight terribly upset ice cream, which remained in a plate from the older brother. Ice cream, which teased him, although there really remained a drop. So in my children, this dessert often falls from the sticks, I put it in the plates, and that day I have given still dessert forks instead of spoons. So the frustrated child in the rustling of his own launched the plug sparkle in the TV screen. Nobody suffered, scratch on the screen is not considered.
And how much the baby is upset by brothers sisters! They are not allowed to take their toys. They are not allowed to throw their gadgets. Not allowed to tear the wire from headphones. Do not give attractive sheets, because there is some kind of school project. They are teased, they have time to succeed in times faster, they raise the pizza XL command, while he eats his first piece, eat all the candy from the packs of Skittles while he collected in his cam what crouched.
What to talk about other children who occupy the favorite swing of the child on the court, not knowing that it is his swing! Other children can sprinkle with sand or accidentally touch the cake, which is so carefully the child of the sand pitch. Well, here will certainly happen a retaliatory attack with a spatula or a bucket. After all, frustrations need a way out. And aggression is its final stop. Aggression breaks through the dam, and here it is already necessary to save themselves, save the victims, and most importantly – to save the child who explodes.
But most of all children frustrate separation from those whom they love. This is confirmed by various studies (for example, monitoring the level of cortisol stress hormone in preschoolers attending the garden).
Long stay in the garden, grandmother, medical manipulations made by other people’s adults – all where contact with parents is interrupted, with the main attachments of the child. Preschoolers, small, immature children themselves can not hold on to us. And the feeling of contact loss causes a whole set of emotions: frustration, anxiety, desire for contact and proximity.
What to do with frustration?
When we see this emotion, it should be called it: "Looks like you are very upset, angry, frustrated", "are you tired", "Something went wrong". Giving the name what happens to us, we get acquainted with yourself and familiarize the child with this phenomenon.
How to handle frustration
For a child there is no minor experience. What happens to him really causes him just such emotions. He, though, is very offensive that it did not work out from the window on the bus that the sister’s birthday was presented by the most gifts.
Of course, sometimes it is not easy to see such strong manifestations of emotions, especially if we were not allowed to behave in this way. But most children are really not allowed. Our sympathy, adoption, simple words "You didn’t work out something, something went wrong" – the best answer showing the child that we are on his side.
Seeing, because of what the child is frustrated, it may want to appeal to logic, to mind, to common sense, that, they say, the house can be repaired now, you can change the leaflet on which the bunny turned out elephant ears, you can sit on the neighboring swing.
But emotions are akin to avalanche, a volcanic eruption, fire, tsunami. This is such a force, such a momentum that it is not stopped. And most likely, the case is not at all in the house, not in the picture, not in a swing. It’s just the last drop. Without giving children, and yourself, to show frustration, we drive her inside. But any emotion should be expressed, according to the law of the movement of emotions. So frustration will find a way. But forms, it can take the most unpleasant: autoagression, aggression, sarcasm and t.D.
Why it is important to take into account the nature of frustration
I realized that it was the child upset or angry, perhaps we will be able to reduce the level of frustration. Nevertheless, get rid of this emotion will not succeed. Yes, it is not necessary, because any emotion has a certain task. Frustration helps us change what is not satisfied with us. If we cannot change the circumstances, people or ourselves, if we cannot break the futility, the frustration will look for an output through attacking pulses. Our children will shout loudly, or cry, callsn or fight, bite or tweaked.
If the process has already been launched, frustration did not make its work on the transformation of anything if the child did not come to tears of sadness (and therefore, did not feel the vain – that ice cream only one thing that the doll was crashed and t.NS.), then you need to give him the opportunity to release steam, since the eruption of the volcano has already begun. It is possible to substitute your palm so that the child turns his cam in there with his cam, perhaps keep it, to carry it into another room and give the slope of passions to calm down, accompanying all this with understanding remarks: "I understand that you are very upset, but it is impossible to beat the sister", "I understand that you have boiled, I see how you disappoint", "I’m with you".
By giving a child the opportunity to throw out the painful, we seem to inform him that it happens to everyone that this is normal that today it was such a day. In fact, we convey to the child a message about what we accept it in any way, he is dear to us with all these volcanoes that our relations will not ruin on what happened now. It is at that moment that the child may have tears of sadness, tears of sadness, tears of futility. The brain of the child registers this vicacity – the inability to change something, and, no matter how surprisingly, it is precisely the smell of tears in loving hands contributes to psychological sustainability.
But also to express frustration through the game in the broad sense of the word: Making something in. Fight pillows Ponaroushka, call names. Build, sculpt, break it. Express through creativity through music, through singing and dancing, through the theater. Of course, not at the time of an aggressive splash, and at the moments of the clutch. When a child is in a state of a true game, he will certainly find in her ways to express frustration, encountering machines among themselves, drawing war, turning plasticine in a cake.
So we can discover a child again: here it turns out, how much emotions he has inside! That’s what is upset. Here it turns out how he worries he suffers, misses me. And watching the expression of frustration in the game, you can accidentally find out that the child is to music. Or he feels great after he pushed the clay toothpick a hundred times.
And perhaps, best of all, the child helps a conversation for souls before bedtime, when it is possible in the dark, warm, under the wing at mom or dad talk about sore, remember something that happened two years ago, when the child is terribly scared of salute on his day Birth. Tell, be heard, be accepted and sigh or even rolling.
And of course, impulsiveness decreases when a mixed feeling appears in the child, by the years six-seven. I certainly be heard from our child: I’m so angry with you, I want to harm you, but I love you. And then it will be possible to balance this frustration.