What hides neurotic wines
For neurotic guilt cost fear of disapproval, condemnation, critics and exposure.
Wines is not the cause, but by the consequence of these fears.
The fear of condemnation and disapproval can manifest itself in different forms:
1. In constant fear call people irritation. (for example, neurotic may be afraid to abandon the invitation, the fear of expressing its opinion, express disagreement with some opinion, to express his desires, do not come up under the specified standards, be noticeable).
2. In constant fear that people know something about him. (To prevent its exposure and fall).
Why neurotic is concerned about his exposure and disapproval in their address?
1. The main factor that explains the fear of disapproval is a huge discrepancy between the facade (Person at Jung), which neurotic shows the world and herself, and all those displaced trends that are stored hidden behind this facade. Although the neurotic himself is very much suffering from this pretense, but he is vital for him to hold. Because this pretense protects it from hidden anxiety. What he has to hide and makes up the basis of fear of exposure and disapproval. There is a strong shame. It is insincerity that is responsible for his fear of disapproval. And he fears the detection of this insincerity.
2. Neurotic wants to hide his "aggressiveness". Not only anger, the desire of envy, revenge, the desire to humiliate, but also all his secret claims to people. He does not want to take his own efforts, in order to achieve the desired, instead, he wants to eat due to the energy of others. This can occur either by applying force and power, exploiting people. Either by attachment, "Love" and submissions others. If its claims are affected, it feels strong anxiety from what the threat does not get the desired habitual way.
3. He also wants to hide from others as much as he is weak, helpless and defenseless. How little he is able to defend his rights how strong his anxiety is. For this reason, he creates the visibility of force. He despises weakness in itself and in others. Hence he considers any non-compliance with the requirements. T.To. He despises any weakness, it assumes that others find it in it will despise him. So he lives in constant anxiety that sooner or later everything will open.
In this regard, the sense of guilt and their accompanying self-evidence are not the cause, but by the consequence of fear of disapproval and at the same time serves as protection from it. On the one hand, they help to achieve soothe. On the other hand, to go away from the vision of the real position of things.
A good example leads to.Horney in his book "Neurotic personality of our time". The patient constantly reinforced himself for being a burden for an analyst who accepts him for low payment. At the end of the conversation, he suddenly remembers that I forgot to bring money with myself for the session. It was one of the evidence of his desire to get all the gift. And self-evidence here were just a reason to get away from the real situation.
1. Self-evidence lead to soothe. If I accuse myself for what others look through the fingers, then I’m not so bad man. It increases self-esteem. But they rarely affect the real cause of his discontent.
2. Self-evidence does not allow neurotic to see the need for change and serve as a deputy such change. Change something in the current personally difficult. And for neurotic it becomes extremely difficult. This is due to the fact that many of its installations are generated by anxiety. And if they start touching them – it causes the strongest fear and resistance. And self-evictions seem then by leading to change. The immersion in the sense of guilt indicates the care of a difficult task to change itself.
3. Self-evidence also make it possible not to accuse others, but only yourself, which seems more secure. It goes out of the family. And in the family from culture. Principle: sinning to criticize parents. When relations are based on authoritarianism, there is a tendency to prohibit criticism, because it usually undermines the authority.
If the child is not very intimidated, he will resist, but he will be given a strong sense of guilt. A more timid child will not even think that parents may not be right. However, he will feel that someone is not right. Once not parents, then he. And wine lies on it. The child will take blame for herself instead of awareness that they do unfairly.
As a neurotic leaves from disapproval:
2. Warning of any criticism by vulnerable to be always right and impeccable and in this way do not leave vulnerable places for criticism. The problem is that for such a person the difference in opinions, the discrepancy in preference is equivalent to criticism.
Search for rescue in ignorance, illness or helplessness. You can pretend little to understand, helpless and harmless person, so it is possible to avoid punishment. If the helplessness is ineffective, then you can get sick. Disease as a way to cope with the difficulties of life has long been known. But in the case of neurotic, it also makes it possible not to solve the situation properly. For example, a neurotic whose problems arose with the boss may feel the acute attack of intestinal disorder. Disease in this case makes it possible neurotic not to meet with the boss. And he appears by Alibi instead of realizing his cowardice.
3. Understanding about yourself as a victim. Neurotic never recognizes that he has the need to use others, he will consider it an insult. It will be offended on others and thereby avoid recognizing his own trends. "Feel a victim" This is a strategy, it is very common. Is an effective method of protection against disapproval. Allows not only to all charge charges, but at the same time accuse others.
4. How it is still possible to prevent the awareness of the need to change? Intellectualize your problems. Such people find great pleasure in obtaining psychological knowledge, but leave them without using.
Conclusion: When the neurotic accuses himself, the question should not be about what he really feels guilty, and what functions of this self-evidence can be?
The main functions of self-evidence: manifestation of fear of disapproval, protection against this fear, protection against accusations.