"What happened to me 15 years of life with a bipolar disorder"
They are the same as we. Live among us. Each of them has their own story, but all of them are united by a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. The Association "Bipolarniki" published an anonymous story of a girl who lives with this diagnosis for 15 years. We publish his abbreviated version.
15 years. No, this is not my age. So much I live with a bipolar disorder. I have passed all the stages of adopting inevitable.
I had a life filled with fear, bright colors, hopelessness, insane journey and adventures, dark times, all-consuming work and projects, longing and desire to die. I was successful – in the understanding that invests in this word. I looked into the abyss, and the abyss in response looked at me.
And then – moving to a small town on the seashore. Walking on foot. Business on house. Mode. Work on yourself is still a lot, I only at the beginning of the way. I spent most of the struggle alone and came to many things, stinging the bumps and earning scars.
Here are a few rules that helped me a lot, I know them at the initial stages of the fight against the disease.
Rule number 1. Take yourself
This is perhaps the most important and difficult in life with the bar. Do not take themselves the illusions about wonderful recovery. If you were amputated to the leg, you would hope that she would magically grow up again? Vinyl whatever? Unlikely.
Need to learn to live with it without feeling guilt and unreasonable claims to yourself. You just can’t be like all. Come across. Start love yourself with all the phases and difficulties that come across.
Adoption – Long and Heavy Path. I needed more than 15 years, and still have something to strive for. It is very important to balance on a fine face of criticality to yourself and making yourself. Do not regret, but understand your essence.
I am sociophobe and introvert, very afraid of people, I try to avoid telephone conversations, I do not like to talk, but I love to write. What was my surprise when I asked her husband (and part-time partner in treatment), as I can characterize me. He confidently stated that I was a bolt, the leader and in general a very bright person. And he believes that I am a person with three persons – one for each phase of the disease. But this does not mean that I’m not fine.
We are bipolar, it is our essence. Contradictions get along. Love for travel and reluctance to leave the house. Sociability and closedness. Fun and sadness. Risk love and excessive caution. It does not make us unique, unique and elected.
Bar suffer about 3% of people. We are not unique, just differ from the rest of 97% inhabiting this planet. We are just us. Therefore, you should not be someone else, "normal". It is worth being. Love and take yourself. As soon as you understand this, your life will become much easier.
Rule number 2. Follow schedule
Make a graph and stick to it. First, it will help you structure life. Secondly, so you can easily track your condition in a year, analyze it, preparing for the next year. There are several types of graphs that help me personally.
First, the mood schedule. Every day, celebrate your mood on the scale very useful. It is possible in addition to it to lead a mini-diary: to write cases on the day, note what managed to implement. In addition, I lead a big schedule: I will celebrate the use of alcohol, overeating (in aggregate from the bar I suffer from disorder of food behavior), physical activity, medication reception. Third – Sleep schedule. Data of these graphs for several months will help you to see the pattern in the races of phases and mood change.
Example from life. It always seemed to me that alcohol helps to cope with insomnia. Mom gave me a pedometer to track the duration and phase of sleep. It turned out that after receiving a large dose of alcohol, the phase of deep sleep is reduced, the next day the level of anxiety increases, and sometimes I find yourself in the depression pit. This allowed me to start controlling alcohol consumption.
The husband behaves a separate schedule of my mood, and sometimes we compare them.
Rule number 3. Be demanding to yourself, but not cruel
I lost 15 years, suffering and hating yourself. Abandoned the former life was extremely difficult. I so far from time from time to time myself illusions, but I try to come in time. I can not continue a successful career. Multitasking, stress resistance, sociability, high performance – it is no longer about me. And this is normal.
Every day I have been doing the exercises for half an hour, I follow my personal hygiene, I walk a lot, I will perform work on the house and obediently celebrate it all in the chart. I try to praise yourself and hope that in a year I will find work on the Polish, not far from the house. All this is moving forward in new circumstances.
It is better to move slowly and steadily than to require yourself to jump above the head, and then forget in alcohol and drown in hatred. If you can execute only one item from the list of cases today, promise yourself next week to add one more.
Rule number 4. Do not neglect the treatment
It is not possible to walk without a leg it’s impossible – a prosthesis or crutch needed. Medicines and psychotherapy – our prostheses and crutches.
I am against romanticization bar: Since I got sick, my life has changed dramatically, and in most cases not for the better. I tried a lot. Personal psychiatrist. Tablets that made me "vegetable". I recovered by 30 kg.
And yet I say "yes" medicines, doctor and hospitalization. I always ran from the brand "mental", ran in horror from the prospects to register in a psychdispean. But now, 15 years later, I take myself, and I am ready.
Rule number 5. Do not expect someone save you
Understand finally: only a person with a similar diagnosis will be able to get into your skin. No matter how much family loved you (and they love!), parents – Soviet people. Mental – scary and ashamed, about such a better not to talk at all. If you pretend that nothing happens, maybe it will pass. It is absorbed by our parents with Mother’s Milk. Try to understand them.
My mom took 13 years to stop pretending that nothing happens. And this is despite the fact that she is my best friend and the closest person. She loves me, but can not help me and be a treat partner.
It is difficult to be friends with us, we are not easy to love. The feeling of guilt due to the destroyed relationship you will not help you, thoughts about your bad temper too. No one is to blame for the fact that you are sick, so life has developed. You will definitely have friends and close people. Enlighten them. Do not require help, and try to explain what you feel. Go on a compromise. Tell me what to do with exacerbation. Write a guide. Discuss. Relationship is a big job.
Rule number 6. Cut extra
Basically, it’s about people. But not only. Many things for us are not available. Hang out all night in the bar – not the best choice for a bipolar person. In the furnace everything is harmful to you. Friends who persuade: "What are you like owl! Come on, it will be fun. ". Unhealthy hobbies, any hint of gambling, high doses of alcohol and drugs.
We – in the risk area. We must be attentive to yourself. People who do not understand this and do not appreciate you as you are, you are not friends. Do not cling to them, they are in your life a place intended for another person. Who will respect and appreciate you.