What if father and mother will change roles

What if father and mother will change roles?

What will happen if the woman is in a male body and vice versa? Many comedies shot on this topic. But the film is "louder than bombs" at all comedy. Family psychologist Inna Shifanova on the example of his heroes reflects on the roles of father and mother in the family.

"In the film" louder than bombs "1 We meet with the family in which the mother is dedicated to his favorite business – she is a photographer, leading shooting in the hot spots of the planet, while the father dedicates his life to the family: wife and two sons, refusing to actor career. I do not pretend to guess what the authors wanted to say, here you can talk only about perception. And perception – the case is obviously subjective.

Nezenskaya profession

In any culture, it seems to me that women are more susceptible to the requirements of society and, accordingly, more susceptible to pressure of gender. It is possible that Isabelle, the main heroine of the film "louder than bombs", chooses his occupation by no means contrary to the dominant public ideas, and in accordance with them: after all, today, the Western Company is reviewing the usual settings and actively offers a woman to take over social responsibility, get a new experience, consider yourself as an active and meaningful personality. Isabelle performs work, which for another twenty years ago, would be considered a purely "male" – she is a military correspondent. As far as surprising for the viewer in Russia? Not particularly. Women’s voting rights in Russia received in 1917, 3 years earlier than in the United States, and 27 years earlier than in France, for example. We know women directors, flyers and cosmonauts.

But the difference is that in Russia this is unlikely to make a film, and "public opinion" on this bill is most often reduced to the question, whether a woman occupied on a responsible or dangerous work, together with this, find family happiness. And it’s not about what is the answer, but that there is no such question regarding men. And the famous women in our country in an interview is customary to ask how they cope with the farm. Although such "unequal marriages", where the mother makes a career, and the father remains in the shade, and therefore there was a lot, and today, but this situation is shy. In the 90s, when a rapid property bundle began, to me for psychological advice came with this problem and women, and men. Sometimes accused each other, sometimes asked permission to this "abnormal" life.

Father and sons

The question of whether parents should sacrifice their personal life for children, remains open. In the film both parents sacrifice something, father – quarry for the sake of family, mother – family for the sake of a career (you can also call it by public service). As a result, everything ends badly, and no one has fun, nor children nor parents. What would have changed, if it were as we are familiar: Dad – Hero, Mom Housewife? Children are identified with their parents on the floor, for example, the boy – with his father: "I grow up and will be a man, like dad, and I will behave like a man, that is, like dad". In the family, which is stated in the film, the boy is difficult to identify with the Father, he rather does not want to become such. And how – like mom? This decision is quite difficult to accept, although he is proud of it. In addition, it requires careful analysis, delimitation of a professional model of behavior and actually polo-role, and then a new synthesis is a big inner work, to which the teenager is not ready yet. He only vaguely feels that such as dad, he does not want, and so like mom, can not. And he hangs in a rampant, not understanding who he is and how he behaves.

We are talking about the youngest son, but also the older the same problems, although weaker expressed: he is a young father, but this role is uncomfortable for him, he tries to pull back from the parental home to his wife and infant. In the end, his father takes him – and this can also be seen the symbol: this elder man has devoted his family all his life. And yet the better, that there is a fatherhood in this life, he could not teach the eldest son.

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What if father and mother will change roles

Children without fathers, by observing psychologists, grow more disturbing than with strict fathers. The explanation is that the child besides caressing and all states, the guidelines and the boundaries of what can be and can not. Otherwise, he is confused, mistaken, frightens. And the lonely mothers sometimes bend a stick with guardian and caress. And the child instead of gratitude to her tested. I think that when the Father behaves in the same way, then the result gets the same. Eternal gratitude difficult to experience, besides, she too often resembles a feeling of guilt, and the son or daughter is trying to save themselves from this feeling, devaluating the efforts of their parents.

In the film, the Father is ready to leave his beloved due to the fact that the boy is unhappy with something. At the same time, he does not even try to figure out, and in what, in fact, there is discontent, if this woman does not like the son, or the fact that the father can be in principle some woman except the mother, or what the father did not tell him about your new relationships, or something else. Father immediately begins to blame himself, announces that "I didn’t cope". Perhaps actually the reason is not in children. Perhaps he unconsciously blame himself in the death of his wife and punishes himself, forbidding himself to be happy, and attempt to perceive as a betrayal. But will the son be happy from the readiness of the Father to unconditional victims? Unlikely. Rather, he will receive another reason to despire the Father: Not only does not occupy a noticeable public situation, it is not shown on TV and do not write articles about him (as about the mother), but even he himself considers himself and his feelings unimportant and ready from them to refuse any minute.

Silence relatives

Psychologists so often say that in the family it is important to discuss emerging difficulties that the phrase "Want to talk about it?"I became a rush joke. And yet talk to each other is really important. Note that in the family that we see in the film, a lot of closed topics. And this is not only a father’s relationship with a new beloved after the death of his wife. Isabel had love relationships with a colleague that she hid from a family. Causes are understandable. But the husband does not ask her about anything. Do not feel? Not interested? The question of her classes was also not discussed. She promises her husband that "It will be the last time," and then we see how she again and again violates this promise, and the husband puts up with this, again without asking questions again. Father and the eldest son hide from the younger that the mother committed suicide. All the attempts of the Father talk to the younger son are coming to the silence of the latter, while the father is following the son, and he although notes a surveillance, does not submit a specuit, playing instead of the father. And the image of the mother is surrounded by an impenetrable halo of heroism. No one is decided to criticize it or complain. And it seems so it was and at a time when she was alive. Fortunately, the brothers talk to each other and, it seems, understand each other. A published in the newspaper article about Isabel violates the plot of silence around her death and may give family members a chance to think about her life, look at her role and their roles in a new way.

Relations between specific people (and the relationship of each of them with themselves) seems to me more important for life than the execution of any role. In the family that we see in the film "louder than bombs", difficulties arise not so much because the father and mother seemed to change roles, but for the reason that each of them did not quite understand himself and is not divided with another the fact that it is vital for him, keeps offended and unsatisfied desires. ".

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