What you need so that the family takes place?
Children, love, proximity, mutual understanding, adoption. Feel "in the family", to be part of it – this is a state, familiar to a person from ancient times and not changed over the centuries. The form that the family can take in different moments of our life has changed. The family stopped being a fixed scheme, today it is increasingly similar to the free community of people who love each other. And its evolution continues.
32-year-old Marina, a convinced bachelor who never thought about marriage: "Perhaps this is because I did not feel the need to raise children, and maybe I did not want to repeat the fate of my parents: I grew up in a family with four brothers and divorced parents, In the house where everyone lived his life, and the children "jumping" between parents like balls for ping pong. I have friends, they are neighbors, every evening after work I go to visit them, we tell each other about how the day was held, drink the wine glass, often dinner together. I feel good with them, we have similar views on life. I know I can count on them, and they – on me, whatever happens. We often say that we are a family, and for me it really is ".
It is also reasonable to 40-year-old Nikolai: "For me," create a family "- it means to choose a travel companion with whom you can share the way, interests, addictions and goals. These are the people with whom I can discuss dreams, anxiety, all that people call "life joys and sorrows". With them I can build plans for the future ". The history of Marina and Nicholas – only two of many. A lot of people like them at a certain moment of life acquire their family, which does not suit the definition of traditional. These are mostly people who, following some youth trend, refuse to think about the canonical "family creation" – that is, about finding a partner, with whom you must certainly play the wedding and make children. "This does not mean that modern youth feels a smaller need for a family, just the opposite, – explains the psychologist, an expert of Italian Psychologies Antonio Armenia (Antonio Armenia). – This means only the fact that a similar model has ceased to be the only one of its kind. In other words, the formal aspect of the family creation went to the background, and now much more relevant need to give and get warm, to give participation and love. To enter into relations – it means to be nearby, to be accessible, to build your relationship in conditions of mutual respect, understanding and ability to accept and understand. And this is true for any form that the family can take is traditional or not. ".
Pass the tests
"I was born in a rather conservative family," says 60-year-old Catherine. – We had six children born in each other. We were what is called strong family, respected and loved each other. When I moved to another city and got married, I wanted to create a family like my parents. For me, it assumed a lot of children, because it was the only family model that I knew. But my plans were not destined to come true – my husband can not have children. Nevertheless, with him, I found the warmth and feeling of the family that I experienced with my parents. Many years have passed, and I am quite pleased. We have everything you need so that the family takes place: mutual trust and awareness of themselves as families. In this case, children are not required. ".
Intimacy, complicity, love, understanding, acceptance – it is these words in our time best describe what the meaning of the family is: "Lady well", to be in harmony with certain people, have a connection with them. Next to classic couples, with or without children, families are both homosexual couples or, for example, those in which relations or hierarchy has changed after a divorce. "Today, unconventional relationships are perceived much easier and easier than before the family concept was more strict. This creates the conditions in order to improve our life situation from an existential point of view, – confirms the psychotherapist Gullymo Gulotta (Guglielmo Gulotta). – It is best that it is noticeable in the so-called "reconstructed" families in which one of the partners (and sometimes both), coming out of the previous marriage, where there are already children, makes new with the new spouse / spouse, and thus for a former husband / Wives again begins a certain "planning" of life and future. The fact that in essence was a negative fact, that is, the end of the previous marriage is transformed into a new chance. In the same way, the situation is also for children who, therefore, can be two moms or dads (biological and stepfather / stepmother) or even at an additional pair of brothers / sisters ".
The importance of children
For many, however, the family does not lose its traditional importance. "For me, a family is my wife and our children. It would be not at all so if our babies were not. Then we would just be a couple, – says 35-year-old Mark, father of two daughters, one of which is not still. – For me, the family is something that can be built for the future, give life to new generations ". "Children are the main thing," 34-year-old Fedor agrees, the father of a two-month girl. "A person who believes that the family without children is not a family, often loads its own marriage to the expectations and hopes associated with what family he had in childhood, – notes Antonio Armenia. – He sees her as a space in which you can re-survive the children’s positive sensations from cultural development, love and affection or, on the contrary, to fill all these sensations that were so lacking in the family in which he has grown. ". "I’m, for example, I do not think that children are necessarily the defining vector and family indicator," says 35-year-old Maxim, the father of the 3-year-old son. – the feeling of a part of the family for me does not depend on some additional conditions, from those types of people who make up this family. This feeling depends on what I feel when I think about these people, from who they are for me. Before you marry, I lived one for several years. I had a puppy, golden retriever. At that time, "return home" meant to return to it. He was my family. I took care of him, rejoiced with him, if there was a reason, or sad, if it was because of what. Now my psa is seven years old, and he is like uncle for my son: he is also part of the family, which over time expanded ". This point of view shares the 36-year-old Vladimir. "It doesn’t matter whether there are children or not, it is precisely in relation to. This is what I was so lacked in childhood, because in our family it was very difficult to communicate and feel understood. The ability to communicate is the value that first unconsciously, then everything is clearer and clearer, and more and more. The foundation of the family creates precisely a couple, their relationship and the house in which they gradually build their lives after day. ".